While the holidays are a very special time of year for most families they can also be a source of tension, disappointed expectations and stress. As parents we can take certain steps to make sure our children have a mostly positive experience.

1. Being really present for your children trumps even the most lavish of presents.

2. In-laws do not have to be out-laws; take the time to dig down deep and listen, invest and connect at the holiday dinner. Try to avoid controversial topics and too much alcohol. #small eyes are watching.

3:Try to not overbook and stay calm.  Maintaining routines is essential as the holidays can be stressful for children. Adhering to normal bed, meal and rest times is both assuring and calming.

4.. Tis the season to assess and rejuvenate tired family scripts and roles that make holiday gathering, tense, predictable and inauthentic.

5. Showing family members  love, gratitude and admiration has so much more oomph than declaring it. #Show don’t tell.

6.. Make sure to find a quiet time to connect with the children amidst the flurry of expectations and activity

7. Find ways to include your children in meaningful participation in holiday activities,traditions and preparation of meals..This is the stuff that childhood memories are made of.

8  Be clear about holiday behavioral expectations. .Our expectations for our children while  traveling and having meals at the homes of friends or relatives must be carefully delineated and explained.

9. Maintain a sense of humor and don’t forget to laugh. Try to keep perspective and worry more about the hands around the table than what is or isn’t on the table.

10. Think about toting along a care package of activities, toys and healthy snacks  for your child. Gatherings can be long, noisy and boring.

Back in the Saddle again. A WW veteran of over 25 years I returned to a Saturday morning class with a  reluctant husband in tow. We negotiated the weigh-in without gasping, bought some expensive two -point WW products and picked up  the weekly WW propaganda and food diaries and made the wise decision to stay for the meeting.

It might be the last place on earth we wanted to be on a promising sun-lit Saturday morning. Lots of deja vu as the  leader a savvy veteran we have studied with for years greeted us warmly. We have cycled in and out of many classes with our dedicated leader.  I even hit goal in the early 90′s. Convinced that I was a “civilian” and cured of my eating issues I ignored the attendance/weigh-in rules for members reaching goal. I believed that I I had the eating crazies nailed. Within a  year all of the weight  I lost was back on. It was both devastating and humbling.  Have been back many times since and never even close to reaching goal again and playing half-heartedly at being a member more than committing to the endless tracking and tedious counting of points. For some reason I sabotaged my own success and was not really interested in losing weight.

A few weeks age I decided I was ready to begin anew and convinced my husband it was time to try again now that we were grandparents and “up the ladder of years.” Something about being a grandparent makes one think about longevity and doing something to prolong it. We actually enjoyed the class and found some of the discussion very encouraging and  helpful. The group was  open, committed and smart. Significantly, there was a large number of members who had impressive success with weight loss and reformation of eating habits/patterns. By the conclusion of the long class my husband and I agreed to follow the program guidelines 100 % and to actually track on a daily basis. We left with the best of intentions.  To be continued…….

As representative Gabrielle Giffords and other victims struggle for their lives in the wake of yesterday’s unthinkable violence parents need to develop a strategy of talking with their children. Continuous coverage and graphic descriptions of the shocking events is apt to have an impact upon children.

Here, then,  are some steps for beginning a most difficult conversation.

1. It is wise to initiate talking with your kids before others do.

2. Reassure your children that they are safe and that you are there for them.

3. Less can sometimes be best. How much does your child know? Do not share more than they need to know or can handle. Parents need to keep explanations and discussion simple and developmentally appropriate. Parents should also be sensitive to individual child’s emotional state and personality. Listen, listen and listen some more; take your cues from your child’s understanding and guestions around the event.

4. Avoid overexposure by limiting TV viewing and uncensored parental discussion. 

5. In the aftermath of a traumatic national event it is prudent to maintain normal familial routines.

6. Use this event as an opportunity to reinforce family values around compassion and respect for others and their viewpoints.

7. Find positive messages and meanings. Let your children know that their feelings are shared by many people in our country. Talk about the incredible response by the immediate, national and international community.

8, Keep channels of communication open by encouraging ongoing dialogue.